Five Rules

"I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it."  - Edith Sitwell


One of my friends went on her first date ever today, so I was trying to give her advice, and since you should be in awe of my vast and varied (read: extremely limited) dating experience, I will share that wisdom with you.


5 Rules for First Dates, According to ElfArmyWrites


1. Make sure it is actually a date.


Seems like a no-brainer, but it's pretty important when you think about it.


2. Don't sit near your best friend's relatives.


It will be awkward.


3. Make sure the movie you intend to see actually exists.


Deciding to see a movie at 6:30 and then a week later seeing that there aren't actually any showings of that movie at any theaters in your entire city at 6:30 or- even anywhere near 6:30 for that matter- can be a bit of a problem.


4. Don't hit a deer.


That would be bad. Coming very close to hitting a deer is also bad. And, at least here in North Carolina, there are a lot of them.


5. Don't break his (or her) GPS.


Although it's okay if it turns out the stand snaps right back on and you discover the Dictionary function in the process. Did you guys know GPS's have Dictionary functions?


Bonus Rule: See Rule 1.


This is somewhat significant when planning the Second Date.


Thus ends the advice portion of our show. This segment is unlikely to return until such time when I have really hilarious things to add.