“Socializing is as exhausting as giving blood. People assume we loners are misanthropes just sitting thinking, ‘Oh, people are such a bunch of assholes,’ but it’s really not like that. We just have a smaller tolerance for what it takes to be with others. It means having to perform. I get so tired of communicating.” - Anneli Rufus
A couple weeks ago I wrote a post about how I was going to be a defacto only child for awhile and generally freaked out about loneliness. Now that I'm coming to the end of that period...I'm a bit shocked to find that other than that day, I haven't missed them, and I haven't been bored or lonely any more often than I would be anyway. I feel guilty about this.
Then again, maybe I'd feel differently if they hadn't been calling every single evening since they left. Maybe I would feel differently if I haven't known I'll be seeing them soon.
Don't get me wrong- it hasn't been all freedom and not arguing with my mom at all and getting my parents to do silly things with me and and playing whatever music I want as loud as I want and the joy of not having two people pointing out every single time I fail to do a chore or whatever. I'm just having trouble putting the missing things into words. It's subtle. It's weird. I think it'd be worse if it was during the school year when things are more regular.
So now I'll be going from two and a half weeks of being alone except for going to see Deathly Hallows Part 1 in an outdoor theater with friends or having a squirt gun fight that devolves into 7 people shouting "Exterminate!" at each other... to a week of hanging out in a house with relatives whom I love pouring out of the eaves and eating some of the best food ever cooked.
And a 13 hour drive...with just me in the backseat. (Cue the sound of angels singing.) Marathon of the Lord of the Rings special edition bonus features and Doctor Who Confidential? I think so. Finally.
Well, as an only child myself, kudos to you for surviving. :)
ReplyDeleteThe quote that starts this, however, is perfect. I totally agree with it 100%. I am the most sociable person at work. People find it hard to believe that I am a loner. But I am and for the most part, I can manage but like my trip to Atlanta last week, that was way too much work for my taste.
Once I get comfortable with people, I am extremely gregarious (which you would NEVER guess from my comments...), but dealing with strangers/casual acquaintances is exhausting/terrifying.
ReplyDeleteNever ever.
ReplyDeleteAs rock4ever95 once told me, "WE ALL FEEL AWKWARD." (all caps were used.) A necessary evil of life, I guess.