I sat there for about an hour and thought.
I came to a conclusion: People are what tether us to the world.
Up there, on the deck, alone and slightly damp, I felt like a ghost. My parents and my friends' parents were playing cards. My sisters and my friends were watching Doctor Who. (Bear in mind, I was up there by choice.) No one driving past in their cars could see me. I don't think anyone downstairs even noticed I was missing. It was this, more than anything else, that made me feel virtually nonexistent.
Lightning flashed over the ocean, and the waves crested farther out than they had all week. The sky darkened. I pulled my chair closer to the railing so I could see the waves without leaning forward. As I stood, I felt as if I could walk into the air, and I wouldn't fall (of course, I knew this was incorrect, but I'm just telling you like it was.) I felt more like part of the storm than part of humanity. I felt insubstantial. It was amazing and melancholy simultaneously.
I suppose it's that feeling that gave me the inspiration for Ishaera.
Why did I stay out there, if I was feeling all of these things that are usually considered negative? I enjoyed it.
If I had gone down to the living room, I would be focused around what was happening. I would be tethered down to current events. but alone, my relations to others became less important. It was just me as I truly am, free to think about whatever I wanted without concern to the time or others. It was incredibly liberating.
Without other people either directly or indirectly interacting with/affecting us, we become detached from "reality" and retreat into our own minds. We make the transition from physical do-ers to metaphysical observers. The people on whom we are eavesdropping don't notice our presence, and until they do, we are naught but a ghost looking in.
It's the observation/interaction of other people that make us "materialize" here. (vague less-than-quasi quantum theory, anyone? Haha)
I guess what I'm trying to say is that without other people, regardless of how distant the interaction, we don't have much. Also, if we keep stuff solely in our heads, it's not worth much either. And I don't mean writing our thoughts out on blogs or disguising them in stories. If something you've been thinking about exhibits itself in your actions, it still counts. Therefore for those of us who are writers, our writing is incredibly important.
I guess this week I'm inclined to believe in souls. My opinion on that matter changes often.
A side-effect of my hour on the porch is that I have some ideas for poems and more parts of Ascension.
Watched Up earlier this week- a lot sadder than I'd expected. Very good.
We're currently watching The Hobbit, which I only ever watch with my friend Matthew or when I'm sick. Matthew and family are staying an extra day with us after the beach before going back to Indiana, so that time has come. And my dad is making the most hilarious comments.
